The Rain

In the midst of dark unfeeling ground something warm and good springs up. Is it love? Is it desire? Perhaps simply the longing to love... That is not a foreign feeling, not foreign at all. Yet it is new in this territory, in this blase land, What will I do with it? Will I crush it because the Buddhist ideal of desirelessness is easier than the Christian reality of desire? No, I cannot kill it. It is too precious, too true and genuine, too rich and full of life. Yet that is the danger, the promise of a life much richer, the promise of a joy much fuller, the promise of things that can be ripped away, of things that have been ripped away.

I will not water it just yet... I can't bring myself to do so. But let the rain fall to water that which needs to grow, to bring life to that which scares me. Let that good, warm plant lap up the nutrients I did not provide, in the ground I could not create. Let my capacity to love grow. Not too quickly, lest it be contorted and twisted by my dark desires. Or lest that pure spring overwhelm me and in vanity I seek to ebb its flow. But let it grow, steadily and true to You. Amen.

Changes

Well (that's a deep subject... let's not dig into it, haha )... there's been a lot of changes over the last little while and various matters, especially when it comes to my future, continue to change. The most notable at the present is the matter of me having laid aside my job at the group home in order to go to Seminary full time! The decision to do this come up rather quickly and unexpectedly not just for others but also for myself. I'm getting myself into some deep water it seems; yet there is clarity in God biding me to come. I've needed faith and trust for this being the step I need to take. One reason being that I had to move out of my place north of Edmonton and move into the south side (45-60mins away from where I work) before I knew if I was accepted. In fact, I had to tell my boss I was completely done before my acceptance was sealed. Add to that Finances and the workload and you've got yourself a sitting duck for faith testing. Not that I'd claim some great credit for "my faith," it just kind of happened... and is happening. I knew that I had to be somewhere else at this time (not at group home anymore) and Seminary is the only place I understood as the right place for me at this time.
So starting September 2, 2008 I'll be at Taylor Seminary working on a M. Div. in Pastoral Leadership! Yikes! I'm excited for the opportunity and challenge as well as nervous about the crazy shift in direction my future seems to be headed down. This is not just true of going to Seminary but touches many areas of my life: Spiritual, personal, social, financial, intellectual... Actually my life seems to be a little out of my control. I heard a sermon over the radio a few weeks ago about how when Jesus called a number of the disciples he just said "follow me," without the question of "where?" they just followed. The point is that it's not about WHERE we are going but WHO we are going with. Christ called me out onto the water, the winds blow and the waves crash around me, the depth below me sinks further and further from sight... It matters not, for it was Christ who called me and I will come! Where do you need to go?

Update

Well thought I'd write a little update here for people (if any still read this)... Sad news first... My Grandpa died Last week... he knew it was going to happen. The worst part of it is that last time I saw him and talk about Jesus with him he rejected it and said he perfered not to think about what would happen when he died (despite being on his death bed!) It all went to show me that it really doesn't matter what you do in life... if you don't have the real Jesus you don't have anything! It is all out of my/our hands now but may it be a reminder to be faithful in following the Spirit's leading in our lives for truely, "the kingdom of God is coming soon," life is short. You can pray for my Mom during this time if you'd like, it's hardest on her I think.

My work at the group home is going fairly well, I've been encouraged by some of the changes I see in the boys. One of the boys will be leaving very shortly so that means a change in the dynamic of the home as a new boy replaces him. We are enjoying the warm weather the last couple of days as it has been quite cold here and we are outside alot.

Personally I've taken up a few things in that last little while... I've challenged myself at hockey more and suit up to play some random guys at a sports centre in Fort Sask.; I'm reading more now (which proves to be much more rewarding and enjoyable then the Tube); I've also challenged myself with getting a bit into drawing and learn the many things that are involved in that relm. I have some exciting directions ahead of me in reguards to trips and "adventures" but I'll save that to a time were things are a little more solidified...

All for now... and in case I don't see you... Good Afternoon, Good evening and Good Night!

Stop-ish

Ya... so the other day (actually a number of weeks ago) I was driving the big 15 passenger work van and a cop pulled me over. Not having had that experience very much, and it being the work van, I was a bit nervous. So this cop walks up to the window and does the normal thing asking for licence and registration and all that jazz and luckily I happened to have it on me. To make a potentially long story shorter... I was able to leave with a warning... the problem... apparently I didn't come to a "complete" stop at the stop sign. I think that is one of the only things the cops have to do in this small town (Gibbons), pull over people for not stopping all the way... actually I'm pretty sure that is why the speed limit is 40km/h, they dropped it so they could maybe catch someone speeding (I don't know why else it would be so low)...

All this not to belittle cops by anyway, cops are just doing their job and should be respected properly. What needs to happen (in my opinion) is for the traffic guys to make a new sign and replace it with many of the stop signs out there. This new sign would be a "Stop-ish" sign, so instead of stopping you could just kind-of-stop or "rolling" stop... think of it, all kinds of people would save seconds every time they went through these new stop-ish signs. I mean really a 4-way stop is kind of ridiculous when everyone could just kind-of-stop, right then the number of people who saved time at one intersection has multiplied... It could then turn into people spending more time with family because of all the time they saved not having to stop completely. It would also be easier on the vehicles and take less wear and tear on brakes then turning into less expenses and perhaps even save some marriages because of the financial break everyone got (other then the mechanics). If everyone gets really good at these stop-ish signs it would save even more time as people could hardly-stop. Really if you think of it stop signs are causing all kinds of problems in today's society, almost so that we should fine whoever decides a stop sign needs to go in a certain place what a crazy idea! Why stop when you can kind-of-stop?

The Death of Sanity

Well... for those who have not heard from me in awhile (or perhaps never have) hear is a bit of an update on what has been going on...

My oldest sister just got married (and will shortly have another child) in Brandon, MB. My Mom and Dad (biological); my youngest sister (Mary-Jane) and two of her girls; and I took the van down to the wedding... Any who knows my family would be able to guess the potential for "adventure" a trip like that holds. The trip down was fairly uneventful... aside from the many potty breaks and over energized kids. The wedding went fairly good, very small wedding in the backyard. It was good to see Hope finally get married and for Alisha to have a "Dad" in the home. I enjoyed seeing my niece as I hadn't seen her in quite some time, it was good to see my sister and her now husband too. The trip back from Manitoba was a little more eventful... Left at about 8:00pm Alberta time, ended up going to Lethbridge instead of straight back to Edmonton, ran out of gas at 3:00am and had to wait three hours before gas station opened, drove around Lethbridge trying to find out where my Aunt lived, drove around Lethbridge trying to find somewhere to eat breakfast, Mom got lost for between two and three hours, then on the trip back to Edmonton (finally) we blew a back tire on the van... thus turning a 13 hour trip into about a 26 hour trip!

This trip along with other things such as: my fridge that doesn't work properly; my house having electrical surges (affecting the fridge, lights, and furnace among other things); losing my keys (only to find them in my pocket); and the guy in the Silent part of the library with me right now who's talking way too much and way to loud... these things (along with others) cause me to wonder if the Lord is trying to help me build patience (or some other character trait)... if anyone is wondering, I don't recall asking the Lord to teach me patience although I'm sure it is a good thing to learn, just not a nice thing to be taught. I'm quite glad I do not have the tendency to pull my hair in situations such as these; otherwise I may look more like my Dad then I already do!

I'm sure your life has those moments when you feel more like strangling something/someone more then you feel like being levelheaded. Perhaps your there right now... If someone is near you right now I give you permission to pinch them and you can tell them I gave you such when you do it (although in most situations I'm not sure it will be enough of an excuse). Shouldn't that remind us of how patient the Lord is with us though? We mess up things that really matter and yet He remains so faithful... How thankful for that I am... Thankful enough that I might even resist the urge to slap the "library talker" across the head when I'm done this...

The Leap of Faith

“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” ~Eph. 5:1
“The Entire Population of the World – with One Minor Exception – Is Composed of Others.” ~John Maxwell, Winning With People
A guy I had started a friendship with got fairly proactive and took me out to a skydiving course with him... We weren’t able to go the day of the course so I ended up going on a day by myself... It was quite the experience! I am in what might be termed as a “student program”, that is I jump on my own without anyone attached to me and each time I jump I have a different objective to achieve. I believe the objective this time was to make it down alive and bonus points for not breaking anything on the landing! (I hope that remains a long standing objective, in case I decide to go again... which I probably will, considering any hope of a low life insurance policy is already shot).
At any rate I showed up at this hick town airport alone asking them if there is anyone who will throw me out of a flying plane (I know of a number of people in the past who have wished to do a similar thing to me... although probably not for the same motives and they would have done so for free). I waited a while but nobody else show up and for some reason this didn’t concern me as you’d think it should have. It turned out for the “better” though... Eventually most of the instructors got ready and in no time (waivers signed) we were in the plane ready to hurl down to the ground hoping a backpack full of clothing material would save us. It was when I was kneeling in the plane ready to take off that I was informed we were going to do something a little “special”, or as the instructor said it “we don’t do this for students, but considering it’s just you...” (Previously I was told we they are dropping me off, quite literally, at 4,000 feet rather than 3,500 because they didn’t want to “stop” for me). What was this “special” treat? They call it “the Superman”; basically instead of taking off normally they get you to lean forward and as soon as your off the ground (this is about the time they asked me if it was okay) the pilot pulls on the stick thrusting the plane from a horizontal position to more of a space shuttle position (a.k.a. straight up)... it is quite interesting how the parts inside your body like to swap places when that happens but eventually my stomach decided to return to the position it was created to be in.
Up up up we went and just about when I thought it was time to get out the instructor said “this is a thousand feet” (three more thousand to go)! To tell the truth I wasn’t all that nervous yet, actually we got up to four thousand feet (everything became really tiny) and I was fine, the door opened I climbed out (almost too soon), I went to the end of the wing and hung there by just my arms... I was fine... I let go of the plane... that didn’t go so good! Suddenly my broken “DANGER!” Light came on in my head, whatever mechanical code it was it stood for, “yep gravity still works and it’s doing an overhaul on you!” Rather than making the all important “X” formation one sees in pictures of skydivers I made more of a squiggly “I” formation like someone who just jumped off a building thinking it was a footstool.
I ended up completing at least one of my objectives (to get down alive, even without braking anything!) and according to my instructors I did fairly well at the rest of the jump too (that is after the parachute caught me).I suppose as I think of this event I’m reminded how we need to live our Christian lives: to let go of the things we are bond to and trust the Lord to catch us (even when we don’t have a back up parachute); to enjoy the ride while being mindful of where we’re headed; and most of all to take “risks” for the Lord! There are a lot of people willing to do some pretty crazy things: Base jumping, diving and biking off cliffs, stunt flying, etc. I wonder though, How many of us are really willing to take a “risk” for the Lord? To take Him at His Word; to “live a life of love”; to reach out to a hurting world? Out of a sudden jumping from a plane doesn’t seem all that bad.